lauralemon
so?
Feeling kinda snarky today. Not really sure what my problem is, just blah, I guess. Taking a yoga break today. I read an article online yesterday about yoga injuries, and though I'm not concerned about that, I do think my right shoulder especially (which is the way fucked up one) could use a break from all the stretching and pulling. I'll do some squats later and focus on my hefty bottom half. Last night I took a quarter of my muscle relaxant pill (even a 1/2 pill leaves me worthless the next day) and it did help the soreness some. I slept well, too, and woke up around 630am; that's craziness for me. This morning was awesome, though, because I was up and breakfasted by 730am and showered and dressed by 9am, with emails and job hunt in between. Before 10am I was at the bookstore and by 11am I'd been to Central Market and HEB for a few groceries. For me, this is unheard of, to have been so productive so early in the day! So now I'm back for the day. Too bad I'm a little bitchy for no good reason. 
Maybe that loooooovely chocolate chunk cookie I bought will make me happy...
Maybe that loooooovely chocolate chunk cookie I bought will make me happy... What a Difference a Decade Makes
Wow. I had a time trip today while I was in the car. Not like I haven't heard the song countless times over the years but today it occurred to me that it's 10 years later and so much has happened. I'm thinking about all the choices I've made between 1998 and now, how 10 years ago I made several decisions to shape my life and wondering whether I've saved my life or ruined it. That year I fell into my career path, watched my parents get back together and met my now-ex-husband. I remember distinctly waking up early with him one morning, when things were all bright and new, and the promise of a new relationship makes you happier than anything. I stopped to pick up a bagel and coffee on the way to work and this song was playing. This song always reminds me of him, but not in a bad way. It does make me a little sad, though, because of the way things turned out, but not at they way they turned out. I've never regretted my decision to end the marriage but it does hurt sometimes to remember the person I thought he was, to remember the way that early fall felt. Is this nostalgia? Maybe it's more that I miss the way that time felt, full of hope with a new job, a decently pieced-together family, a man who I thought loved me.
If I had decided to stay in SA instead of moving with him to Austin, how much different would my life be? Would I still have developed FM? Would I have ended up with my cop and working in that arts job I turned down to be with my ex? Within two years we were married and in two more years we'd fallen apart. And I never miss him, but I miss having someone. It's amazing how much more I put up with from the next guy than I did from him. The jobs I've left, the decision to stay in Austin, watching my elderly parents struggle from far away -- what have these things cost me? Or earned me?
And lest I sound sad, I'm not really. Very contemplative and a little melancholy, but it's more self-reflection than brooding that's my mood. The difference between 28 and 38 and all that's happened between the two.
Mood Song of the Day
This is a beautiful song, if you listen to the lyrics. It is Cyndi's song, but my favorite version (and the first time I heard it) is actually by one of my soap actresses on One Life to Live.
No Pitchers - Make Lemonade
retraction
You know, I posted something earlier today when I was in another state. I'm still terribly stressed and concerned, but after breakfast, and after I posted, I did my yoga and felt a lot better. As unfair as I feel my life is most of the time, I have to admit that in most respects I've been very lucky. I've been lamenting that I need to cash out the only retirement fund I have when the truth is, I'm lucky to have that account to cash out. At least not yet do I have to beg a roof from anyone. I've been grieving no vacation this year, but so what, when I get my shit together, I'll go then. It's hard for me to see my nieces and nephews surpassing me in housing, jobs, etc. It makes me feel like a failure. But I understand that things can be so much worse and I need to remember that I made this decision. Granted, I felt backed into a corner and genuinely needed the rest, so I've taken it. At least I'm getting interviews and not being completely ignored.
We're still okay. Instead of carping, I finally feel like I can start doing again. My fibro is still in full swing, but I feel a lot better than I was feeling two months ago. This past week, I've done yoga four times and doing a little better each time. There's a program on fitTV called Namaste Yoga that I DVR and have come to really enjoy. These little programs are just right for me. It's unbelievable the amount of tension and pain I release each time I do it. Afterwards, I feel so much better. I believe my supplements are helping a bit, too. Though I was annoyed earlier that I lost the drug study (really the $50 per visit) I was concerned about the type of drug and how it would affect me. That I'm starting to feel a benefit from my own treatment course tells me that it's a good thing I didn't end up doing it.
Job- and money-wise I'm going to get something soon, I can feel it. Not sure if it's one I've already applied to or one of the jobs I've found online today but it will have to show that I'm feeling better when I go in for interviews. Everything else will come from there. I will need to do some maintenance on my credit cards -- and try not to think on the nastiness of yesterday with one person in particular -- but this too will pass. I'm still hopeful that this was all for a good reason and that in the end this course will have been for the best for me, that it will have been worth it.
The kitties have food, treats and litter. I managed to go and get a cute 'do this week. I am lucky to have loaner laptops while mine is in repair. Yesterday and this morning were very hard for me, but I'm working hard to turn that around and not be so morose. I believe that I'll be okay. First, Austin. And then I'll work on Vancouver.
We're still okay. Instead of carping, I finally feel like I can start doing again. My fibro is still in full swing, but I feel a lot better than I was feeling two months ago. This past week, I've done yoga four times and doing a little better each time. There's a program on fitTV called Namaste Yoga that I DVR and have come to really enjoy. These little programs are just right for me. It's unbelievable the amount of tension and pain I release each time I do it. Afterwards, I feel so much better. I believe my supplements are helping a bit, too. Though I was annoyed earlier that I lost the drug study (really the $50 per visit) I was concerned about the type of drug and how it would affect me. That I'm starting to feel a benefit from my own treatment course tells me that it's a good thing I didn't end up doing it.
Job- and money-wise I'm going to get something soon, I can feel it. Not sure if it's one I've already applied to or one of the jobs I've found online today but it will have to show that I'm feeling better when I go in for interviews. Everything else will come from there. I will need to do some maintenance on my credit cards -- and try not to think on the nastiness of yesterday with one person in particular -- but this too will pass. I'm still hopeful that this was all for a good reason and that in the end this course will have been for the best for me, that it will have been worth it.
The kitties have food, treats and litter. I managed to go and get a cute 'do this week. I am lucky to have loaner laptops while mine is in repair. Yesterday and this morning were very hard for me, but I'm working hard to turn that around and not be so morose. I believe that I'll be okay. First, Austin. And then I'll work on Vancouver.
Unhappy Camper...
**This is a rant or vent or whatever so feel free to go elsewhere**
Another worthless day. Capital. Just fucking capital. Nothing pisses me off more than spinning my wheels and getting nowhere. At least with no effort I can stay in my cool home with my babies and watch TV and play online. This other way, I just waste more gas. The ONLY nice thing today was lunch with my friend. And that's a whole other sordid story.
I am soooo tired of being interviewed by 25 year old girls. I HATE it!!!! It's hard enough being in this situation and knowing what I'm qualified for and knowing how hard everything has always come to me -- THEN to be interviewed by little girls in big girl positions and knowing they haven't exerted themselves the way so many of us have had to for so many years. It's just not fair. Yeah, I know, life's not fair. But this sucks. This is literally my third interview with some chippie talking to me like I haven't seen as much as she has. Fuck that. In the phone interview the "whittler" explained that she knew the money wasn't as much as I was used to be gave me a range that I would be willing to settle for since there's not a lot of choice. Today I'm sitting in the face-to-face with the young lady who would be my boss and find out the other chick was way off by $8K!!!! Basically, an amount I couldn't live on. My bills are more than that would be. There I sat, poker-faced and just wanted to get the hell out of there. How have I been spinning my wheels for so many years and done such a good job and can't get my shit together. WHAT IS WRONG????
I've signed up with two temp agencies, only to be told AFTER I go through all the rigmarole, that they don't have anything right now. I've had numerous interviews and can't land anything so it's gotta be me, right?
The job I really wanted, that I interviewed for last week and put on my best positive attitude for hasn't been in touch so what do I do? The goddamn magazine hasn't paid me for THREE articles I wrote and the editor is ignoring my emails and phone calls. Guess I have to email her boss but WTF is this that people do business this way?? The other one paid me, but misused me. I'm going to have to cash out my 6 years of state retirement -- the only money I have put away for this -- though I'd vowed I wouldn't do that. Well, I don't have a choice now. A big chunk will go to putting my credit card payments current.
I just feel like I have a big fat shit target painted on me. The harder I try, the harder it gets. Then try doing all this with fibromyalgia when most mornings it's all I can do to get out of the bed without crying in pain.
So I finished my job stuff today with an interview at the mall. There should be nothing wrong with that, but I find I am having a hard time with it. This is my problem. At the least I may hear from them -- but she may very well believe I'll bail as soon as I get the chance... and I can't say she'd be wrong. Since I had time to kill before I went through Macy's which is in the middle of a big fat sale. I have NO clothes. If I get a job I need to go buy some. All my clothes are from when I was small and not the whale I've turned into. The clothes were so cheap I had to try on and realized just how big I've gotten. It was terrible. Running to the shop for my interview I caught sight of myself in one of those highly polished mall surfaces and wanted to die.
I can't believe how I've turned out. I'm so disappointed in myself and what I've let happen. I'm trying to get myself together but it's like everything is working against me and I just don't have strength to deal with this.
I am soooo tired of being interviewed by 25 year old girls. I HATE it!!!! It's hard enough being in this situation and knowing what I'm qualified for and knowing how hard everything has always come to me -- THEN to be interviewed by little girls in big girl positions and knowing they haven't exerted themselves the way so many of us have had to for so many years. It's just not fair. Yeah, I know, life's not fair. But this sucks. This is literally my third interview with some chippie talking to me like I haven't seen as much as she has. Fuck that. In the phone interview the "whittler" explained that she knew the money wasn't as much as I was used to be gave me a range that I would be willing to settle for since there's not a lot of choice. Today I'm sitting in the face-to-face with the young lady who would be my boss and find out the other chick was way off by $8K!!!! Basically, an amount I couldn't live on. My bills are more than that would be. There I sat, poker-faced and just wanted to get the hell out of there. How have I been spinning my wheels for so many years and done such a good job and can't get my shit together. WHAT IS WRONG????
I've signed up with two temp agencies, only to be told AFTER I go through all the rigmarole, that they don't have anything right now. I've had numerous interviews and can't land anything so it's gotta be me, right?
The job I really wanted, that I interviewed for last week and put on my best positive attitude for hasn't been in touch so what do I do? The goddamn magazine hasn't paid me for THREE articles I wrote and the editor is ignoring my emails and phone calls. Guess I have to email her boss but WTF is this that people do business this way?? The other one paid me, but misused me. I'm going to have to cash out my 6 years of state retirement -- the only money I have put away for this -- though I'd vowed I wouldn't do that. Well, I don't have a choice now. A big chunk will go to putting my credit card payments current.
I just feel like I have a big fat shit target painted on me. The harder I try, the harder it gets. Then try doing all this with fibromyalgia when most mornings it's all I can do to get out of the bed without crying in pain.
So I finished my job stuff today with an interview at the mall. There should be nothing wrong with that, but I find I am having a hard time with it. This is my problem. At the least I may hear from them -- but she may very well believe I'll bail as soon as I get the chance... and I can't say she'd be wrong. Since I had time to kill before I went through Macy's which is in the middle of a big fat sale. I have NO clothes. If I get a job I need to go buy some. All my clothes are from when I was small and not the whale I've turned into. The clothes were so cheap I had to try on and realized just how big I've gotten. It was terrible. Running to the shop for my interview I caught sight of myself in one of those highly polished mall surfaces and wanted to die.
I can't believe how I've turned out. I'm so disappointed in myself and what I've let happen. I'm trying to get myself together but it's like everything is working against me and I just don't have strength to deal with this.
Killed by a Couch!!
I'm filing this away for future reference...
Woman kills husband with folding couch
Woman kills husband with folding couch
She allegedly was mad because he was drunk and wouldn't get up
updated 1:28 p.m. CT, Wed., July. 9, 2008
ST PETERSBURG - A Russian woman in St. Petersburg killed her drunk husband with a folding couch, Russian media reported on Wednesday.
St. Petersburg's Channel Five said the man's wife, upset with her husband for being drunk and refusing to get up, kicked a handle after an argument, activating a mechanism that folds the couch up against a wall.
The couch, which doubles as a bed, folds up automatically in order to save space. The man fell between the mattress and the back of the couch, Channel Five quoted emergency workers as saying.
The woman then walked out of the room and returned three hours later to check on what she thought was an unusually quiet sleeping husband.
Police refused to comment.
The St. Petersburg Emergency Services Ministry said a private rescue service removed the man's body.
Video on the television channel's Web site showed emergency workers sawing away the side panels of a couch to remove a man in his underwear lying headfirst between the cushions.
Emergency workers said the man died instantly.
No Pitchers - Make Lemonade
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